When you’re doing all the right things… but something’s missing
I thought I was showing up fully — but my energy told a different story.
In April, I spent five days tucked into the Mendocino redwoods at a SHINE retreat — soaking up nature, sisterhood, and soul work.
I arrived open, excited, and ready. I love retreats. I love being in the room.
And yet... by Day 2, something was off.
Here’s what happened:
At breakfast, a fellow participant — let’s call her Jackie — asked for feedback about a challenge she was facing in her coaching work. Genuinely wanting to support her, I gently offered a thought based on her Enneagram type.
Her response?
Ice cold.
A sharp shutdown, disguised as “just being honest.”
It was one of those moments that looks small on the surface but hits your nervous system like a freight train.
I smiled. I brushed it off.
I kept doing the retreat things — showing up, staying engaged, being “fine.”
But without realizing it, my heart had slammed shut.
Instead of fighting or fleeing, my defense mechanism kicked in: FREEZE.
I was physically present, but energetically... gone.
Still participating, still delivering — but doing it all from behind a wall.
And the wild part?
I made it look so normal that even I didn’t notice what had happened.
It wasn’t until a wise woman pulled me aside and said,
“Your natural energy fills a room. But when you pull it back, it leaves a F-ing vacuum.”
That’s when it hit me.
I hadn’t landed because I didn't feel safe to BE myself. I was putting on a protective mask I didn’t even know I was wearing.
It wasn’t about Jackie.
It was about an old defensive pattern:
✔️ Do the things.
✔️ Be the good girl.
✔️ Deliver the expected results.
✔️ Hide the hurt.
The big takeaway I’ll carry with me:
When my heart is offline, it doesn’t matter how perfectly I perform.
Without soul, it’s just a shell.
This isn't just about retreats.
It shows up in leadership.
It shows up in relationship.
It shows up in life.
When I push through from a defended place, people feel the gap — even if they can’t name it.
When I lead with an open heart, the magic is undeniable.✨
That moment reminded me what Soul-Before-Strategy really means:
Not just showing up, but showing up with your heart online.
Not just doing the thing, but letting your energy lead — not your performance.
So here’s my invitation to you today:
Where might you be “doing all the things” — but doing them defended?
Where has your heart quietly gone offline without you realizing it? 🧡
It’s tender work to notice.
It’s transformational work to choose differently.
More heart.
More magic.
More soul-before-strategy, always.
>>Have you ever caught yourself in a similar situation?
I’d love to hear — send me a message and share if this sparked anything for you.
In Big love,
Meredith
P.S.
Your heart is your greatest success strategy. Curious where you are on your self-love journey? Find out here:
https://link.pauseboxco.com/whats-your-self-love-score
