The “I’m Fine” Lie So Many of Us Learned
Why we cling to it… and the hidden cost we don’t notice until it’s too late.
I’m real good at “I’m fine.”
It used to be my default answer for everything even when my body was telling a very different story.
When my girls were little and I was working full-time, I spent months feeling bone-deep exhausted. I finally went to the doctor and learned I had walking pneumonia.
Most people would finally rest.
I kept going and if I’m honest, I felt… validated.
It explained the exhaustion, but it also gave me a badge.
Proof that I could still do it all, even with pneumonia. 😱
Looking back now, I can see exactly what was running the show: that old, well-trained pattern of PROVING known as hyper-independence.
The one that says:
“I’ll handle it.”
“I don’t want to burden anyone.”
“I’m fine.”
It’s powerful.
It’s praised.
And it quietly drains our capacity, one braced muscle and shallow breath at a time.
This week, let’s explore this pattern — The Hyper-Independent Prover — and how to gently unhook from it.
Not by forcing yourself to ask for help.
Not by changing your mindset.
Not by “doing” vulnerability.
But by beginning with the smallest, most compassionate shift:
Letting your body unbrace.🧡
The Heart of This Week’s Ritual
Hyper-independence isn’t who you are, it’s a pattern your nervous system learned to survive.
It forms when:
you were praised for being low-maintenance
you learned to take care of yourself early
you felt safer being the responsible one
support was unpredictable or unavailable
being “easy” kept things stable
Your system adapted.
Brilliantly.
Over time, though, adaptation becomes armor.
Your body stays braced.
Your breath stays shallow.
Your shoulders stay lifted.
Your belly stays clenched.
Your jaw stays tight.
You become the one who can “handle it” but at the cost of the softness that makes life sustainable.
Hyper-independence feels like competence but it’s actually continuous contraction.
This week’s Ritual helps you loosen that contraction, not through effort, but through tiny releases that tell your body: We’re safe enough to soften.