There’s a voice many of us grew up with, even if we never named it.
It says:
Don’t just sit there.
Do something.
Contribute.
Be useful.
Show your value.
For many high-achieving women, that voice makes receiving help, care, or rest feel uncomfortable, even guilt-inducing.
Not because we don’t want support, but because we learned, often very early, that our worth lived in what we did.
I think of Janet Jackson singing, “What have you done for me lately?”
In the song, it’s a demand made of someone else.
But that isn’t how it lived in me.
I turned it inward.
What have I done to deserve rest?
What have I earned before I’m allowed to receive?
And somewhere along the way, another rule formed:
Receiving without giving something back is dangerous.
The Moment That Made This Clear
For me, this pattern shows up in the smallest, most ordinary ways.
Like when I’m flying somewhere early in the morning.
My husband will offer to take me to the airport.
And almost automatically, I say some version of:
“It’s okay.”
“You don’t have to lose sleep.”
“I’ll just get an Uber.”
What I’m really saying is:
I don’t want to inconvenience you.
I don’t want to be a burden.
I don’t want to take too much.
But here’s the truth I can’t ignore:
When he does take me, I’m always delighted.
It’s so much nicer to be taken care of.
So much softer.
So much more human.
And that’s the moment I notice the split: My mind thinks receiving is risky, my body knows it’s nourishing.
The Heart of This Week’s Ritual
Many women think the work is learning how to give more cleanly.
But for those of us shaped by hyper-independence of Proving, the real work is different.
The work is letting it in.
Not intellectually.
Not politely.
But somatically, in your cells.
Because here’s what’s true:
You don’t deflect kindness because you’re ungrateful.
You deflect it because your nervous system learned that receiving meant:
owing
inconveniencing
taking too much
being seen as needy
So you minimize.
You reciprocate instantly.
You joke.
You brush it off.
You turn support into a transaction.
And in doing so, you never actually receive.
This Ritual is about gently rewiring that pattern.
Not by forcing yourself to “be open.”
But by practicing one clean moment of receiving without armor.
Let’s practice. 🧡
3 Prompts to Deepen the Practice
Exclusive to Ritual members
These prompts are designed for my Meredith AI Coach, trained in the Nothing to Prove framework, to help you practice receiving in real time. They support you in noticing what happens in your body when care, help, or support is offered, and in gently letting it land without deflecting or earning it.
Open the Meredith AI Coach here 👇